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Accentuate the
Positive
Finding Balance in a
Negative World
Consider
this scenario: two men experience exactly the same events; they have
each decided to take their son to a movie on a Saturday afternoon. On
the way to the theater, there is a traffic jam, and they begin to run
late. At the movie theater, they have a hard time finding a parking
space, which causes further delays. Eventually they get to the box
office only to discover that all tickets have been sold and they cannot
see the movie.
Who
wouldn’t be frustrated or disappointed? Let’s see how this is
perceived through the eyes of Bill and Matt:
-
Matt’s
inner thoughts: “I can’t
believe this is happening. The one time I try to do something nice for
my son and first it’s the traffic and now we can’t see the show.
It’s ruined our whole day... I can’t believe how angry I feel!”
-
Bill’s
inner thoughts: “This is really
disappointing! But don’t let this completely ruin the whole day. The
truth is that we missed the show, but I do have time with my boy... let
me think... it’s a beautiful day. Maybe we can go and play miniature
golf instead.”
Bill was upset and disappointed; of course. But he
was also able to step back from his emotions, gain perspective,
acknowledge at least two good things (I’m here with my son and it’s
a beautiful day) and then engage in some problem solving. This helped
his mood and saved the day.
Depression
often causes a marked loss of perspective. People get swallowed up in
the emotions of the moment, only focus on the negative, and fall into a
downhill spiral.
The
answer is not some simple-minded or unrealistic “look on the bright
side of life” strategy. It starts with honestly acknowledging the
truth of the situation and one’s emotional responses to it. But it
then moves ahead with a focus on two questions:
-
Given
what’s happening, what can I also acknowledge as positive?
-
What
other options can I consider that might make a difference?
Choosing to battle depression by challenging
cognitive distortions and, at the same time, giving
yourself permission to have and express human feelings are choices
that can lead to emotional recovery from depression. There is
realistic hope.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted
from You Can Beat Depression: A
Guide to Prevention and Recovery (Fourth Edition), by Dr. John
Preston. Available at online
and local bookstores or directly from Impact
Publishers, Inc., PO Box 6016, Atascadero, CA 93423, www.bibliotherapy.com
or phone 1-800-246-7228.
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