The
following press release is provided free for reprint to our media
friends, as long as the article is reprinted in its entirety and
includes the final footnote paragraph. For additional information,
contact Lindsay Dutro at
805-466-5917 or email at publicity@impactpublishers.com.
Do
You Give Too Much?
A
Lack of Assertiveness Can Erode Confidence
Panic
attacks in and of themselves are powerful agents for eroding confidence.
Suddenly, you feel unable to do all sorts of things you used to do, all
sorts of things “normal” people do. On top of that, you feel as
though you’ve lost control of your own body, something so basic to
your sense of self that you probably never even gave it a second thought
before the attacks hit.
Panic
sufferers often describe themselves as “people-pleasers” who find it
extremely painful to risk others’ dislike or disapproval. They may
agree to others’ requests, suppress their own opinions, and put the
needs of others before their own – sometimes to the point that they
almost lose touch with their own wishes and feelings. As one woman put
it, “I’ll turn myself inside out for you if it will get you to say
just one nice thing about me.”
There
are many reasons why people find it difficult to assert themselves. One
important reason relates to fears of loss: you may feel you’ll put a
relationship at risk if you assert yourself too forcefully. Or you may
lack the confidence and self-esteem to express your own wishes, perhaps
seeing them as unimportant.
Maybe
you’re so tender-hearted that you can’t bear to refuse anyone
anything. Or you may have become so accustomed to the role of
“giver” in your family of origin that it scarcely occurs to you to
refuse.
Many
panic sufferers describe themselves as perfectionists who feel it’s a
sign of “laziness” or “weakness” or “selfishness” to refuse
another’s request. And still others hold strong religious beliefs
about the importance of giving that makes it hard to know where to draw
the line. In short, for any number of reasons, you feel obligated to
give and give and give some more – even when you feel there’s
nothing left, even if it leads to resentment inside.
In
addition to losing confidence as a result
of panic disorder, many panic sufferers say they struggled with feelings
of inadequacy before their attacks first began (and sometimes with a
need to rely too much on others as a result). If you’re someone
who’s battled with a lack of confidence in the past, it’s worth
spending a few minutes to consider the sources of those feelings, so you
can fight back more effectively.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Adapted from
Master Your Panic and Take Back
Your Life! Twelve Treatment Sessions to Conquer Panic, Anxiety and
Agoraphobia (3rd Ed.), by
Denise F. Beckfield, Ph.D. Available at online and local bookstores or
directly from Impact Publishers, PO Box 6016,
Atascadero, CA 93423, www.bibliotherapy.com
or phone 1-800-246-7228.
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